


To Be Near You

by el_gilliath



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Crash Fest 2019, M/M, Minor Maria DeLuca/Michael Guerin, Roswellprompts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 22:26:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19732996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/el_gilliath/pseuds/el_gilliath
Summary: “I miss you. I always miss you, every day, every hour, every minute. You’re part of me, you’ll always be part of me. Just like you’ve been since back then."





	To Be Near You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [estel_willow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/estel_willow/gifts).



> This is for my Hanban, and her prompt of  
> Malex / Mylex : "Since I met you, I’ve felt abandoned without your nearness; your nearness is all I ever dream of, the only thing." (quote by Franz Kafka)
> 
> I know I said I wasn't doing a story for you, but I lied. I hope you like it darling :-*

“I miss you. I always miss you, every day, every hour, every minute. You’re part of me, you’ll always be part of me. Just like you’ve been since back then.”

The look on Michael’s face as he speaks the words is enough to make him want to cry. It rips his heart open in a thousand little pieces, scattering them to the winds of Michael’s powers. It’s painful to be standing in front of him, speaking the little truths he doesn’t want to admit. Michael isn’t his anymore. Maybe he’s never been truly his except for one fleeting moment when he was 17. The following ten years has just been fraught with heartbreak, abandonment and miscommunication, hurt feelings and anger. He’s walked away time and time again, afraid and worried of whatever his father would do if he knew he was with Michael. But the times he’s been back since he first left, all of them has been spent at Michael’s side. Feeling his warmth, rejoicing in having his nearness, his presence around him. Making him not feel so alone.

But he is alone. As always, he’s walked away too many times. Walked away and left the gorgeous being that is Michael Guerin alone to face the world. Walked away and let him think he wasn’t loved. When nothing could be further from the truth. He loves Michael, from the bottom of his broken, three quarters of a man, heart. Loves him enough to color the sky red, to take on his entire family and the entire US Air Force if he has too. Just so he can maybe, hopefully, feel Michael in his arms again in the future. Maybe, hopefully, one day when Michael has had time to heal from the pain he and his family has been the cause of. When he doesn’t feel as scared and worried about what his father would do if he knew he was still standing by Michael’s side. The one place he’s always wanted to stay. Forever.

“Alex-”

“No. I just need you to know that I love you, Michael. I will never look away. Even when I walk away, I never look away.” He walks closer to Michael and presses a soft kiss to his cheek. “I’m going to walk away now. And you won’t see me again for a while. Please, be happy.”

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to go make sure my father can never hurt you or your family again.” He smiles then, a smile he knows is filled with sadness. Filled with pain, maybe even grief. But he also knows that he needs to go away, needs to leave Michael alone to heal and worry about bringing Max back from the dead. Needs to leave him to be loved by someone who isn’t him. Someone who is brighter, happier. Easier.

“I don’t want you to go.”

“I know. But we both know I need to.” Michael nods, looking down for a second before he lifts his head to meet Alex’s gaze. Dropping all walls, they both stand there, looking at each other with all the love they feel for each other evident in their eyes. All the want, longing and admiration front and center.

“I’ll dream of only one thing,” he murmurs in the small space between them. He knows Michael recognizes what he means, knows the real quote rings as true for Michael as it does for him.

“Can I kiss you?” 

He nods and closes his eyes as Michael’s hand cradles his face. The soft lips meeting his is perfection in many ways, a goodbye in the moment, a hello in the future. Right now, it’s exactly what it needs to be. Just two men sharing one last kiss, before they part for future’s unknown. 

He breaks the kiss after both too long and too short of a time, opening his eyes to look into Michael’s hazel eyes. He commits them to memory and lifts his hand to run though Michael’s soft curls one more time. Then he steps back, breaks away, and once again walks away.

\-----

It’s a long time before he sets foot in Roswell again. Two years and counting. He’s been all over the globe at this point, tracking down Project Shephard leads and cleaning up his father’s mess. His father who is out of a coma, but down on his memory courtesy of Isobel. It’s the easiest agreement he has ever given in his life, when Kyle called him a year ago and asked if he was okay with Isobel manipulating his father’s memory as they brought him out of the coma. He’s had to deal with his brothers, forcing them to realize that they are out from under Jesse Manes’ thumb and are free to do whatever they want. Though they might not have had it as bad as him, they didn’t have it easy. He hopes they can all live better knowing that they’re finally free.

He’s kept regular contact with everyone in Roswell. Helped out from the other side of the globe as they finally brought Max back. Sent all the files and research he found at various Shepard sites back to the alien trio to help them understand themselves, their powers and their family. 

He gave them their real names from a site in Germany. Zan, Vilandra and Rath. Twin children of the King and Queen of Antar, and son of the Antarian army’s general.

He gave them drawn pictures of Antar from a base in Finland, drawn from descriptions made by Antarians in capture there.

He gave them the name of their planet in DC, his first stop after Roswell. When he was missing Michael so much, he could hardly breathe. 

He told them the planet was destroyed in a war a week after that, in New York.

He’s sent science experiments and theories to Liz, medical research to Kyle, arts and samples of music to Rosa. A cure for Maria and Mimi.

He’s sent spaceship parts and theories to Michael. But the biggest piece, the one he found in the wall of his cabin he still has with him. To remind him of why he’s doing this. To remind him that even if he misses Michael with a burning, they need space.

Still, the minute he drives past the Welcome to Roswell sign two years after he left, he breathes a sigh of relief. He’s home again. He’s near the person he wants to be closest too. And he knows Michael misses him too. Michael is 8 months out of a relationship that lasted for longer than anyone gave them credit for. Anyone but Alex. He knew that if Michael and Maria were going to try, they would do it completely. It’s why he left, so they could do it without regret. Without having him hanging over them.

But now he’s ready to be home. He’s ready to see his friends, so see his family. He’s ready to drink milkshakes and dip his fries in it at the Crashdown, he’s ready to go have a drink or five at The Wild Pony, he’s ready to have the lunches Isobel has promised him for when he came back, he’s ready to hang out with Liz, Rosa, Maria and Kyle like it’s 2005. He’s ready to be a civilian again, 12 years since the last time he was anywhere close to being a civilian.

He’s ready to kiss Michael again. Ready to feel him close.. He’s ready to know if they can just be Alex and Michael, not Captain Manes and Alien Guerin. And as he drives to the junkyard, where he knows Michael is, he smiles to himself. He’s already taken on the world. Now he’s ready to live in it.

Michael’s not alone when he gets to the junkyard, Maria’s with him. Then he notices Isobel, Liz, Max, Kyle and Rosa. The entire gang is there. It makes him nervous in a way he didn’t think he would be, makes him freeze in a way he never expected. The usual worry and feeling of not being good enough rears its ugly head as they all turn when they see his car. Though he doesn’t need to worry, if the smile that breaks out on Liz’s face is anything to go by. He hears her squeal even before he stops the car and kills the engine, and as he opens the door she has already run up to the car and is waiting not so patiently.

“Oh my god, Alex,” she says in a voice pitched so high it almost hurts his ears. But he still opens his arms and tucks his face in her neck as she hugs him. She’s sniffling in his ear, so he just hugs her closer. More arms surrounds them as Liz holds on, Rosa, Kyle and Isobel joining in. He hears Max laughing a joyous laugh in the background and Michael’s murmuring which makes Max laugh even more. He’s fairly sure he knows what Michael is saying. They’ve both been dreaming of nearness.

That means only Maria is missing. He lifts his gaze and sees her standing just next to them. She seems unsure of her welcome, and if there is one thing Maria should never have to be, it’s unsure of her welcome. He smiles, stretching his hand towards her. The smile that lights up her face assures him he picked correctly. She looks happier than she has in a long time, more safe and secure in her position amongst the group. She should never have been an outsider to the secret, and he’s glad she isn’t any more.

“I missed you,” she whispers in his ear as he she slots herself amongst the huggers. He squeezes her back, not angry or betrayed or anything any more. Just full of love for his friends.

“Alright! If everyone can unhand the Alex and get the fuck out of my junkyard, I would appreciate it.”

He can’t help but grin at the indignation in Michael’s voice. Maria is shaking in silent laughter, as is Kyle at his back.

“Jesus, Michael. Try to be any more impatient,” Isobel says snidely as she peels herself gracefully away from the hug. Rosa, Kyle and Maria follow until only Liz is still holding on to him.

“Don’t worry, I’m here to stay this time,” he whispers in her ear. Which must be the correct thing to say as she moves away from him right after, her eyes filled with happy tears.

“You better,” she replies. A part of him wants to keep them all there, close after two years of hearing their voices and grainy pictures through facetime when time zones lined up. There will be time to reconnect with everyone the way he wants later, the way he has been hoping to for a long time. But as he turns to look at Michael, he knows all of that will have to wait. Because looking at Michael, jeans, dirty t-shirt, boots and black cowboy hat on his head takes his breath away. He knows that he wants Michael more than he needs to reconnect with everyone right now, texts, phone calls and grainy images is never enough when it comes to Michael. 

The distance between them all of a sudden becomes too much, he needs his nearness. He yearns to hold him in his arms, to smell the scent of oil, sweat and sunshine that is so typically Michael. And Michael is looking back at him, his gaze filled with the same longing to be near Alex knows is showing in his own eyes.

He’s aware of everyone else leaving in his peripheral vision, he’s aware of the catcalls and laughter in his ears as they do. But he only has eyes for Michael now. The dream of him is so close, he can’t wait any more. And like he’s done a million times before, before he has inevitably walked away, he walks closer to Michael who welcomes him with open arms. He lifts his hands to run them through Michael’s curls, lovingly tugging them as Michael wraps his arms around him and holds him close. They both know that this time he isn’t walking away, he’s here to stay.

He can’t help but smile as he snuggles into Michael’s arms, his nose deep in the crook of his neck so he can smell him. But he smiles even wider when he hears the words Michael whispers in his ear.

“You don’t need to dream of the only thing anymore. I’m right here.”


End file.
